The Once Mighty Fall

Even though I own The Abandoned Video Shop I take no joy in the closure of the last Blockbuster stores. I passed  an empty one the other day and it was a sad sight. Going out to rent a title has now died and I'm surprised there is not a little bit more lamenting the loss. Remember back, when it was an exciting thing going to Blockbuster and seeing all those titles, all the new releases all lined up. OK, Blockbuster put an end to most of us little video shops, like the Internet has put pay to them. But going out and getting a film was an experience. Even when the one you wanted wasn't there, you wouldn't come away empty handed. Alright, you could get a stinker, but you could also discover a gem. We've all done that and revel in the joy of watching it again a few hours later. So what now? Download, order up, watch and you haven't even left the settee. Where's the fun in that, you haven't earned the film, you haven't gone and got that specific one, held it and felt a tinge of achievement. You haven't shown any enthusiasm or effort just pressed a few buttons. Then the film is served up like fast food. Something we have all done for the past thirty odd years, OK in diminishing numbers, has just died shouldn't we all feel just a little sadness?

The Owner 

What's A Video?!

I went to look in a few Charity Shops on Saturday, like most people do. And if it isn't old women behind the counter, it is usually a couple of gormless looking teenagers. No doubt getting some cushy work experience under their belts. Well that is what faced me in one charity shop.
"'Ere what's this," one of the idiot teenagers said holding up a video cassette.
"Dunno," his moronic mate replied. "Is it one of them vinyl LPs or something?"
With that the first teenager launched the video in the bin. I was shocked, like they had just thrown a bag of kittens into the river.
"That was a video!" I shouted.
They looked at me like a was an idiot or something.
"Do you know what people watched before videos?" I continued.
They shook their heads.
"Nothing. It was endless terrestrial dross. Then came video and everything changed."
They looked uncomfortable and even the smelly customer, which all Charity Shops have by law, left swiftly.
"A whole wonderful world of film opened up for everyone lucky enough to own a VHS and if it wasn't for that video cassette you just disrespected," I pointed at the spotty, gormless gitt. "The world would be a colder,sadder place. Everything your nasty generation holds dear is due to the video."
I stopped and proudly stood my ground.
"Get lost you nutter or we'll call the manager," the bigger of the two sneered.
"Yeah get lost grandad," the other piped up.
I wanted to say get the manager  but they looked feral enough not to need him.
"You can have this then," one shouted and threw the cassette at my head.
I looked at the video, on the ground, after it had bounced off my bonce, it was Rocky IV. I picked it up and dusted it down.
"Come on," I said to it. "You're going home."
And I took it back to the Abandoned Video Shop, here it now sits happily with the other two hundred and fifty copies we have of Rocky IV.
The Owner.

Strippers vs Werewolves : How Far Did You Get?

Mr. Apollyon brought  a massive box of videos into The Abandoned Video Shop this week.

"What are those?"Old Reg asked him.

"Strippers vs Werewolves," he replied.

"That sounds bleedin' good," Old Reg said excitedly. He likes werewolves and loves strippers so he was obviously enthusiastic.

"How did you get so many?" I asked Mr. Apollyon.

"Someone got me to invest in the film," he replied a scowl crossing his face.

"Did you make much money?" Old Reg asked.

"No."

"Bet you're not talking to that bloke anymore," Old Reg replied.

"No one is," Mr Apollyon said flatly

A shiver ran down my spine.

"Well enjoy," Mr. Apollyon said. "Or try to."

With that he left.

"Well stick it on," Old Reg said happiest I'd seen him for a while.

It didn't last long. Five minutes in and we both were very glad we wasn't the person who got Mr. Apollyon to invest.

"How many bleedin' people from Eastenders are in this crap?" Old Reg said all enthusiasm evaporated.

We turned it off after ten minutes shaking our head and looking at the big box of videos.

"I don't think anyone could've watched that to the end," I said.

"I still like strippers though," Old Reg said.

"I'm glad," I said. "Now let's go burn the rest of them in the backyard."

"Good bleedin' idea, at least they will keep the rats warm."

The Owner.